August 10th, 2001

squeek, go for the eyes, boo

(no subject)

from a post by thistles

Things I MUST remember as a dog:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.
4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw it up.
6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
7. I will not throw up in the car.
8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and shoving my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying hello.
13. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the right thing to do.
14. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.
15. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
16. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
17. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
18. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.
19. The cat is not a squeaky toy so, when I play with him and when he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
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2013

(no subject)

According to Human for Sale I'm worth $1,092,214.00. Gah, I feel so cheap.

Which rock diva were you in a past life?

You were Shirley Manson in a past life!


It's official! You were Shirley Manson in a past life! You're not afraid to voice your opinion on just about any topic! You have can be bubbly and happy but you can also suffer dark, soulful moods, which reflects in your song writing. You have your own unique personal style and you radiate an air of sophistication wherever you go!

Links snagged from gatallguy

Oh, and you can call me Quantum Smurf. The name courtesy of the Smurf Name Generator.

Link snagged from halkeye
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