March 27th, 2002

2013

I'd ask what else could go wrong but that'd be pushing my luck

For the past few days I've been having some tooth pain/soreness like I did earlier this year except it kept shifting all around my mouth. The last 3 days being in the lower right jaw. I'd been taking aspirin to deal with the pain but it was losing effectiveness. I went to bed around midnight last night only to be awaken at 3am by pain. Very owwie pain. So I got an emergency appointment this morning. I didn't expect I would get such an early time (9:30am) and had to rush to shower and get dressed. I got to the dentist office and filled out a new form since it had been a while since I was last there. They eventually called my name and I was taken in the back and waited around a bit until they could get to me. Then they took X-rays. 5 regular ones and one where I had to stand while this machine rotated around me to get a panoramic-type picture. I almost couldn't use it because the two "arms" kept hitting my shoulders throwing things off. I waited a little more until I could get a verdict from the dentist. Now I'm sort of sorry I went. The diagnosis was 2 teeth that need fillings and 2 that needed to be pulled. Yikes! Of course, I don't have dental insurance so I had to put the bill on plastic. *sigh* I got one of the fillings today. As I type this the numbness is wearing off and I can start to feel their handiwork. Next Thusday I'm supposed to get the next filling. Then in June I'll have my teeth cleaned to get ready for the extractions. I almost want to cry but in the back on my mind there's a voice saying "you fuckin' pussy" and "it could have been worse you know." *sighs again* When I got out of the office I walked 2 blocks down to the library and check out 4 books. Then I walked home. Oh, and as if to say "wait a minute buster, here's something else for ya" my shoes have started to squeak with every step I take. *repeats sigh*
2013

The Chicken Farmer

A city slicker bought some land in the country and decided to take up chicken farming. He headed out to the local poultry dealer and said "I'm taking up farming. Give me 100 baby chickens." The salesman crated up the chickens for him and he went on his way.

The next week the new farmer showed up at the poultry dealer again and said, "Give me 200 baby chickens." He took his chickens and headed back to the farm.

Again, a week later he was back for more. This time he said, "Hmm, give me 300 baby chickens."

"A good supply," the salesman commented. "You must be doing really well!"

"Nah, doing terrible," said the man with a sigh. "I can't figure out if I'm planting them too deep or too far apart!"
2013

now these are awards I'm more interested in

The Jenny McCarthy Award (longest, most interminable 15 minutes of fame)
Winner: Tom Green. He takes over from David Arquette, who was the Denzel Washington of this category until his character from "Scream" was savaged by the Wayans brothers in "Scary Movie." When the Wayans Brothers are ripping you, you know it's time to go. As for Green ... well, it's going to be over soon. Right? Please tell me I'm right.

Read more of "And the Billy goes to..." at ESPN.com