Vinny da Geek (desertwolf) wrote,
Vinny da Geek
desertwolf

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"Then, Miss Thing, You're A Queen"

Saw this on bigbear4xl's journal and just had to repost it here. BTW, I'm guilty of #9, 13, 21, 30 and 43.

1. If you regularly use the term "window treatment", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
2. If your kitchen drawers contain a shrimp de-veiner, a mushroom scrubber, or a lemon reamer, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
3. If you are over thirty and thinner than you were in high school, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
4. If you know all of the lyrics to any musical of the last 50 years, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
5. If your Christmas decorations include dried roses or baby's breath, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
6. If you know the difference between a "soundtrack" and "an original cast album", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
7. If you tape the Home & Garden Channel religiously, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
8. If the only sports you watch on TV are gymnastics, diving, and figure skating, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
9. If you know what a "sconce" is, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
10. If you have a pet named "Liza", "Gypsy", or "Tallulah", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
11. If you have more ties than you do teeth, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
12. If you have ever watched any beauty contest on television on purpose, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
13. If you receive International Male, whether or not you order anything from it, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
14. If you have ever canceled a date because it interfered with any awards show broadcast, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
15. If you know the difference between "seafoam" and "celadon", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
16. If your video or DVD collection contains All About Eve, The Women, or Mommie Dearest, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
17. If your bathroom cabinet contains moisturizer or bronzer, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
18. If you know where to find really inexpensive tuille, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
19. If you know what tuille is, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
20. If women call you for decorating tips, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
21. If you think Jeff Stryker, Ryan Idol, or Casey Donovan are "hot", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
22. If you own "dress" sneakers, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
23. If you choose your socks to bring out the color of your eyes, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
24. If you can recall exactly what you were doing and where you were when you heard that Judy, Ethel or Lucy died, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
25. If you regularly use the phrases "Get her!", "She's a mess!", or "What's her problem?", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
26. If you speak in italics, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
27. If you have ever needed a massage because you overworked your eyebrows, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
28. If someone says you to "Hey, how about them Bulls!", and all you can think about are petite picadors in tight pants, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
29. If you see a sign or IKEA, or Pottery Barn, and your palms begin to sweat, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
30. If you stretch out "please" and "whatever" to"puh-leeze" and "whatEVER", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
31. If you own -- and wear -- more shoes than there are days of the week, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
32. If your underwear drawer contains nothing but Calvin Klein, in various shades and styles, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
33. If you save the packaging from said underwear, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
34. If you display in your home any kind of reproduction of Michaelangelo's "David", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
35. If you have ever shaved or trimmed your pubic hair to make your dick look bigger, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
36. If growing a beard to you means not shaving for a day, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
37. If you shave your chest, legs, armpits, or have any part of your body waxed, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
38. If you regularly give out "fashion scores" for people in the office, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
39. If you would rather skip the gym than arrive in an ensemble that doesn't match, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
40. If you own any doilies, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
41. If you have ever spontaneously uttered lines from "Auntie Mame", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
42. If you choose your jeans because they bring out your "basket", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
43. If you know exactly where to find "those" pictures of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise on the internet, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
44. If you prefer to be called Richard, Steven or Michael than Rich, Steve or Mike, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
45. If you have ever coiffed so aggressively that you've drawn blood, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
46. If, in your last relationship breakup, you fought bitterly over who got the Soloflex, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
47. If your dog is smaller than a bread box, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
48. If to you the opposite of "no" is "fabulous", then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
49. If, at the gym, you spend more time in the shower than actually working out, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
50. If you have ever gone to someone's home and immediately began admiring the wainscotting, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
51. If your diet consists mostly of salad, bottled water, and yogurt, then, Miss Thing, you're a Queen.
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